Setting and Prologue

Go down

Setting and Prologue

Post  Soanuku1 on Tue Mar 06, 2012 3:47 am

The school - This school does not specialize in teaching for disabilities. It is a private school that specializes in teaching any students who feel they need extra help or would like to advance faster through school for what ever reason (Excluding severe learning disabilities ie: autism / down syndrome) The teachers do not have training to deal with extremely specialized cases, so don’t go too far out there.

A Student can sign up for the school on their own, or a parent / guardian can enroll them. Ages 14 - 20 (For fast or slower learners) when creating the characters. On campus dorms, it is a fairly secluded school and so unlikely that more than one student would live close enough to not have to be a dorm student. (So if you don’t want your character living in the dorms specify asap)

The nearest big city is a 2 hour bus ride away. The local town is a small town, with all the required amenities. There are a few places for entertainment (arcade, movies, forest preserve behind the school) If a story requires a place then its not a big deal just make sure to let everyone know you want to add a specific location.



The bell rang loudly as the school day came to a close.
“Finally.” I closed my notebook of doodles, grumbling as I shoved it into my bag.
Halfway to the door, I heard the teacher call my name.
“Michio, could you stay after for just a moment? I’d like to have a word with you.”

“Here we go again.” I couldn’t help but say out loud as I slumped over to his desk.

“Finals are coming up as you undoubtedly know, Michio. You’re right on the border of failing. I do not want to see you have to repeat a class you have the potential to pass.” He paused to let out a deep sigh. “I know this isn’t the only class you’re so close to failing in, but please just put in some actual effort. It would be a waste to my student in my class again.”

I wonder who he is trying to convince while that smile. I’ve never seen a point of going for an A or a B in a class. What was the point? A D would pass me all the same as I have no intention of going to college.

“Yeah, sure.” I knew it wasn’t convincing but I didn’t care.

He looked at me with a bit of disdain--searching for something in my eyes to contradict whatever he thought was demotivating me. Try me. You won’t find it if I can’t. It’s too tiring to find something that isn’t there.
“You may go.” He said, sounding defeated--his voice almost like whisking me away from him.
A thought popped into my head to flick him off before I left, but I left it alone. What would that prove? I’m sure May is waiting for me and I can’t let her leave without giving me my ride home.
“See ya later, I guess.” Without a second thought, I merged with the crowded hallway.
There she is. My heart skips a few unnecessary beats before I swallow my pride and walk over to her. She’s leaning against my locker though. That’s different. She usually comes to greet me after class. Her last class is only right across from mine.
I stop abruptly when I see her close her eyes and let out a long sigh. I can’t hear it over the throngs of other students, but she seems rather disappointed. I walk over but her eyes are nailed to the floor. Its normal for her to be quiet and so I think nothing of it as we both make our way out the front doors of the school towards her car.Knowing this girl for over a year now makes almost any of her idiosyncratic movements loud enough to cover for her lacking voice.
The drive home was quiet, we took the same route as we always did. Something seemed different today though, she seemed shaken. A tear rolled down her cheek, it must have been a rough day for her so I said nothing. I tried to brush away the rogue sign of grief but as I did she jumped abruptly in her seat, pulling away from me her eyes remaining fixated on the road. Oh well, she is more than capable of handling herself.
The automobile silently rolled on, only the sound of rubber on the road keeping absolute silence at bay. It wasn’t a long ride, but it was a little uncomfortable. May just seems to be giving off an aura of displeasure and I want out as soon as possible. As she pulls up in front of my house I can feel the car begin to slow and lurch to a stop.
I opened the door and swiftly made my exit. Walking towards the door I expected to hear the engine of May’s car behind me as she drove off but that familiar sound never came. I stalled for a moment and looked over my shoulder. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared into the steering wheel--mesmerized seemingly. I was about to turn and let her be until she looked in my direction and our eyes locked. Her eyes were emotionless much to my surprise, she raised her hand half trembling and rather than the wave I was expecting she beckoned me back to the car.
(Do not like, want May to be outside the car, makes it more personal)
I walked back, wondering what I might have forgotten to take with me. Her eyes never left mine, it was a bit unnerving to be stared down. She lowered the window as I walked up, I stood waiting to be handed what ever object it might have been I left behind. Instead silence fell between us which lasted far too long for comfort.
“You needed me for something?” I ask, to break the silence.
She said nothing for the longest time. “I...I...” she stutters.
“You, what?” I was already confused, she had never acted this way before.
“I can’t do this any more, Michio.” May spoke almost inaudibly.
“You can’t do what, Drive? That’s fine, my parents can get me to and from school it’s fine.” She was all worked up over that? It seems so simple.
“No Michio. I can’t be with you anymore.” As she spoke I was dumb struck by the words. It took me a second to actually comprehend what she had just said to me.
“You can’t be with me? You mean ever again, or just for a while?”
“Forever Michio, I’ve been tearing myself apart over this and I just, I just can’t handle this anymore. You’re on your own, I have to move on, I’m sorry.”
“You, I, what, never, what is happening?”
“I’m breaking up with you Michio how don’t you get it? You never seemed to have an interest in me, its like I never mattered to you as a person, I was just a thing for you to have to be better than everyone and I can’t stand feeling that way.”
She was so blunt, I had no reaction for the words that flowed from her mouth. I was dumb founded. This wasn’t happening, it was a bad dream, I was just waiting to wake up and laugh this whole thing off. How could I lose her, just like that.
“Sorry Michio, you’ll have to find another ride to and from school, and a new person to copy your notes from, I’m done catering to your needs without anything in return.” Without another word she drove off and I could only stand there staring as she rounded a corner and was out of site.
Walking towards the door. “What the hell just happened?” Is all I can think the entire way, I feel nothing as I try to comprehend what just occurred a few moments before.
I entered the front door. “Welcome home Michio!” My mother called from another room. I let out a grunt to let her know I heard but other than that I went straight to my room. I could feel the anger and sadness welling up inside me as I replayed May’s words in my head over and over. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and flopped down on my bed. Much to my displeasure my mother heard and I could tell she was making her way towards my room.
“Michio are you alright?” She asked, but her voice was lacking a concerned tone.
“I’m fine, go away.” I yelled, though my voice was muffled by the pillow I had buried my head into. I want her to go away, I want it all to go away, I want to just wake up and have everything back the way it was.
She opened the door. “Michio...”
“Damn it leave me alone!” I yelled as I threw a book in her direction, it missed.
“Your father is going to hear about this when he gets home.” She scolded slamming the door on her way out just as I had earlier.
I didn’t care, my father never cared what I did. So long as I avoided him this evening he wouldn’t come and seek me out. That was fine by me, I didn’t plan to leave my room, I didn’t want to leave. Laying face down, I wouldn’t move. Time passing so slowly as the day still replayed in my mind until tearful sleep grabbed hold of me.

The alarm clock echoes in my ears. Smacking the off button I am still in shock. I feel like I was just blindsided by a truck. This could not be real. I shake off my grogginess and head for the shower. Staring at the wall watching the drops of water race each other, I was lost in turmoil.

Once the shower ended, I grabbed my things and headed out to school. Before I knew it, all I remember was one statement that raced through my head that day “This is not real”.

The alarm clock goes off again, and I knock it down. The impact turns it off and I jump out of bed. I don’t think of anything this time, I can only feel hot water against back. Shower ends; I head out to school in a flash. My expression was different today, my thoughts were different, everything felt different. I felt like the next person to talk to me I would snap at. When the day ended I rushed home, said to myself “I’ll sleep this one off.”

The alarm clock buzz once again. I can barely bring myself to turn it off. Should I go to school? Will I see her? What’s the point? I sit up, gazing around the room. I stumble around and gather my things for school; I figure it’d be best to avoid everyone yelling at me.

The walk to school seems to drag on. Sunlight claws at my back while my mind swims around in a pool of questions. If I do see her, what do I say? Did I remember to ask for a ride home today? Where do I sit at lunch? Can I skip my math class today? The important questions and the trivial ones begin to blur together.

Eventually, I make it to the school gates and head to class. The students in the halls chatting with others. Every laugh I hear feels directed at me, so I quicken my pace to get to class.

Thankfully, we don’t have the same classes, so I shuffle into my seat like nothing had happened. The other students don’t see anything wrong with me, even I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I just sit with my head held up by my hand. Part of me wants to sleep and forget about everything and the other part wants to keep thinking.

The teacher drones on about something involving slopes and variables, I’ll just get my answers from the back of the book. Why is this day longer? Why do I keep bothering myself with questions?
The alarm pierces into my head. I turn it off and go back to sleep. No point in going today. My parents will just leave without checking in. As I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, I begin to ask myself even more questions and try to bargain with myself. “Maybe if I go to school, I can talk to her.” “What if I just go downstairs and call her later?”. I roll around trying to find a comfortable position. More sleep might help calm me down.

There is no alarm today, instead, I hear the harping of my mother coming from downstairs.
avatar
Soanuku1
Admin

Posts : 20
Join date : 2012-03-04

View user profile http://learntobe.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Turmoil on Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:08 am

Just so everyone knows, we wrote this when we only had 3 people working on the project.
Since we have expanded so readily I am welcome to any and all ideas to add / change / or possibly redo the intro if you have a compelling reason why.
avatar
Turmoil
Moderators

Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-03-04

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Thisisseriouslybad on Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:04 pm

Overall, this seems alright, would it be alright if expanded/edited it further? Just a few minor criticism's and opinions:

My heart skips a few unnecessary beats

Accidental KS reference? Otherwise it seems a little cliche.

I was about to turn and let her be until she looked in my direction and our eyes locked. Her eyes...

You used the word "eyes" in short succession, possibly consider changing this to face, expression, etc...

You, what?” I was already confused, she had never acted this way before

This makes the MC seem a bit dickish.

“You can’t do what, Drive? That’s fine, my parents can get me to and from school it’s fine.” She was all worked up over that? It seems so simple.

DICKERY LEVELS CRITICAL!

You can’t be with me? You mean ever again, or just for a while?

The MC appears to be about as dense as a neutron star, for me it doesn't seem plausible for him to be this silly.

...my mind swims around in a pool of questions

This is just my opinion, but I just don't like this phrase.


Overall, this looks promising, what do you think of those observations?
avatar
Thisisseriouslybad
Moderators

Posts : 7
Join date : 2012-03-06

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Soanuku1 on Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:33 am

Perhaps we didn't write this the correct way. What we were trying to do is show the dependency of Michio. He clings to May. He has no goals or ambitions so instead he is going to just tag along with May as she does everything. The idea of the prologue is to drop off all people Michio depends on and put him into this new school. That said, I do think we didn't quite convey that idea, the real trick is convey it while remaining subtle.
avatar
Soanuku1
Admin

Posts : 20
Join date : 2012-03-04

View user profile http://learntobe.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  DastardlyLemon on Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:42 am

Wow, this sets up quite the depressing beginning. Overall, the stream of consciousness is represented well. May really doesn't like punctuation, though. I felt that he was pretty dependent on her, so you showed that fairly well. Although the extent to which he depended on her was slightly overwhelming when she started listing everything off.

“You can’t do what, Drive? That’s fine, my parents can get me to and from school it’s fine.” She was all worked up over that? It seems so simple.

Ah, the typical "densest material on Earth" male lead.

The alarm clock goes off again, and I knock it down. The impact turns it off and I jump out of bed. I don’t think of anything this time, I can only feel hot water against back. Shower ends; I head out to school in a flash. My expression was different today, my thoughts were different, everything felt different. I felt like the next person to talk to me I would snap at. When the day ended I rushed home, said to myself “I’ll sleep this one off.”

I'm somewhat surprised he still went to school, what with the breakup adding to his already massive lack of motivation.

But I like it. Gives him room to grow.
avatar
DastardlyLemon
Moderators

Posts : 23
Join date : 2012-03-06
Location : California

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Soanuku1 on Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:52 am

Yeah, that nails it on the head. That's how I see the pacing in my head at least. It rises to a high tension point very quickly and then plummets just as fast.
avatar
Soanuku1
Admin

Posts : 20
Join date : 2012-03-04

View user profile http://learntobe.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  SolidSyco on Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:17 am

Soanuku1 wrote:I wonder who he is trying to convince while that smile.

Just a spelling error: "while" should be "with" if you didn't know already.
avatar
SolidSyco
Moderators

Posts : 48
Join date : 2012-03-06
Age : 27
Location : Hertfordshire, England, GBR, UK

View user profile https://www.facebook.com/SolidSyco

Back to top Go down

Before getting really far into act one...

Post  Sudsy_Wudsy on Fri Mar 16, 2012 4:43 pm

Before getting really far into act one (which has been going well so far, I would say!) is finishing up the prologue, so we can get a better sense of what Michio had gone through. Like, the conversation with the parents about the school. All this really does shame Michios mind, as it would any character, and if we finish act one first then prologue, I would... things might feel broken.
avatar
Sudsy_Wudsy
Moderators

Posts : 79
Join date : 2012-03-09
Age : 24
Location : British Columbia, Canada

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  MrKaleoBlack on Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:24 pm

i think i was supposed to write that scene...i'll get to it. D:
avatar
MrKaleoBlack
Moderators

Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-03-10
Age : 27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Eldin_M on Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:10 pm

I agree with Ben, in my opinion, I think that getting the prologue to a point that we're all happy with, and to complete it enough to have a better base from which we can build act one upon further, takes a higher priority than charging through on act 1 while leaving an incomplete prologue in the dust; just a thought. On a side note, I added some feedback towards the end of the prologue draft on the Google Doc, mostly regarding structure, and with an idea for the very end of the prologue, as it transitions into act 1.
avatar
Eldin_M
Moderators

Posts : 12
Join date : 2012-03-13
Age : 22
Location : Saltspring Island, BC, Canada

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Setting and Prologue

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum